Author: Zhao Haining

Source: “Reading” No. 7, 2019

When she saw her that day, she was sitting on a chair in a lazy attitude, and there was a cigarette that burned half of her fingers, and all eyes were “training” with our leadership.

She was wearing a black cotton and a wide robe, and she wore a pair of black fish mouth shoes, her skin was very white, leaving a thin dense plate, which made her unknown.

Looking at the leader again, he kept his head down, and his attitude was so messy.

I was surprised. It was the summer of 2000. In view of the love of literature, I applied for a weekly magazine to edit. I have seen the magazine, the big opening, the thickness is acceptable, and the price is low, but there is my favorite emotional column.

I was very happy at first, but soon I found that I was happy earlier. Within a few days, the leader talked to me: writing drafts is secondary. All the responsible work of the unit is the real work -run, wide, sue!

I was stunned, and I knew that it was a pure advertising -like delivery magazine. It was really unwilling to say that I wanted to resign immediately, but I couldn’t find a more suitable job for a while.

After two days, she went to the leader to talk. For me -she said that advertising is important, but who will look at your advertisements if the magazine is messy? It’s like selling things in the mall. You can sell it well there, and who will spend a lot of money decoration counters!


After knowing, I was surprised and moved. So when I got off the get off work that day, I caught an empty child, caught up after walking out of the building, and thanked her for her.


She laughed and said to walk around.


On the way, she told me that she had read the articles in my resume and liked it very much. I only knew that she also wrote something, and it was the kind of pure literature that was quite high for me at the time. The novels in regular literature magazines were not dared to think about it at the time.

Admire her immediately.

She laughed and said, in fact, I want to help you say something because … yes, because my brother and I have the same name, except for the surname, the next two words are exactly the same.

As soon as someone shouts your name, your heart is soft

——I said that this kind of thing is called fate.

The reason why she chose to come to this magazine is the opposite of me.

At that time, the cost of pure literature was very low, and it was not used to live as a career. That year, she was 28 years old and her daughter was one and a half years old. Their husbands and wives were average. They had to live in this city. Work together.

Of course, I also know the reason why the leader obeyed her -her advertising performance accounted for almost half of the total -who has the performance who is the grandfather, and she can almost want to do whatever she wants.

For this little coincidence, she helped me stay and eliminated the advertising business. Later, I have always thought that in the face of this complex society with such a simple mind, it was a great luck to meet her at first.

She dreams of grievances for life, but gives me the little world that adheres to.

We became friends, and sometimes I followed her to run advertisements, seeing how she faced each other and other customers. If she made delicious one, she would also call me to eat.

When I was familiar, I knew that she had only junior high school culture. Due to the poor family, she went to work in the city in her teens. She had done a lot of work. She also did a temporary editor in a pure literature magazine -she was very close to her dream during that day, but it was far from the car from life. Essence So, can only leave.

Later, she read her novels, which was amazed by her perseverance and talent -a rural girl who could not read a few books at all in the years, and almost bought books that were satisfied with the remaining money of basic life.

Her text is exquisite and refined, and the number of reading and talent has made her the best wings.

In those years of the paper media landscape, after a slight research on some magazines, she and her left the unrealistic magazine agency and became a freelance writer.

About 100 meters away from her house, I rented a small house.

At that time, she was not affluent, and we began to fight for life in the same way.

In the morning, they did not disturb each other, and they were code at home, and I would go to her house for dinner at noon. In the afternoon or continue to go shopping or go shopping together, or go to a nearby small park. And every dusk, we have to go to the vegetable market.

She is keen on cooking, from the kitchen to the study, and the conversion is ease–


The article is extraordinary, and there is a lot of fireworks.

I know that many of the women’s bones are sensitive and excessively delicate, and they are easy for life to enter the text. She never, she never had her heart.

After leaving, she still had short hair and wore a wide robe, but she smoked a lot.

At that time, we shared a small mailbox and opened the mailbox every two days. The sample magazines and manuscript fees made a small pile of small piles -in order to save trouble, we both gave the seal to the postman.

It was a good time to fly up. She even spent a lot of time, and she sewed me a cotton cheongsam one by one stitch and one line:

The blue and light blue, the traditional classic style, the waist is appropriate, the split is only on the knee …

She said that I was too idle, and occasionally wearing clothes that showed femininity, and a little restrained the gratitude of sex.

I ca n’t calculate how many dense needle lines. I only know that except grandma, she is the only woman who has sewed my clothes hand -sewed. That kind of scene makes me feel, I will stay with her for a lifetime …

However, a few years later, because of a failed feelings, I left the city and left her. So affectionate and decided. But I did that at the time.

At the beginning of the connection, it was frequent, but the distance of time and space slowed down our intimate emotions.

When I woke up from that error, I just happened to invite me to edit a magazine in Zhengzhou. Since then, the geographical location has become more and more distant from her, but she often interacts on QQ and read her article.


In the fall of 2007 and 2009, I went to Shenyang twice. After the agenda, I turned to see her.

She went to the airport to pick me up. Short hair, wide robes; new big houses, and new computers at home; cooking more and more advanced -time has almost no trace on her.

At that time, she had returned to the field of pure literature: I wrote multiple ministers, published books, sold the copyright of TV dramas …

In this industry, she has become a powerful role; but for me, she has not changed anything, and it is still the woman with the rivers and lakes, all the days of getting along, Gu Xi take care of my woman to tolerate my tolerance.


Although the surrounding environment is completely different, she is still her, standing in her breath, I feel at ease.

The rapid turn of the matter was in 2012, and I lost my favorite father. After half a year, I finally calmed down, but found that she couldn’t contact her. Various ways to contact the phone and QQ are there, but no one has responded.


After I have been unwilling, after I repeatedly sent her various signals to her repeatedly, I finally slowly understood that I was falling alone in the pain of my father. Let me … lose her.

I know that she loves and hate, and knows that she will no longer look back after making a decision.

I didn’t find her again.

I lost her, but I didn’t even know why. Infinitely sour in my heart.

Later, she could only see her name on the media. The TV series adapted from her book, a part of the fire …

Seeing her getting better and better. Think about her a stranger and sad.

8 years.

Shortly after the spring of 2019, in the author who knows how intimate relationships I have had with her -Sang’s WeChat circle of friends, I accidentally saw a picture of a 18 -year -old girl. , Clean temperament.

Sang said, that’s her daughter -the soft and sticky little baby who called my godmother that year, I couldn’t recognize it at all.

Without defense, the tears came out, so I couldn’t help myself. I didn’t hold back, telling Sang, I miss her so much …

A few hours later, WeChat had a prompt with friends. I know Sang told her.

approved. Then … I don’t know what to say.

She still said first, saying that she encountered something and suffered from mild depression at that time; who said me what, not good, she cares about it. She didn’t say specific, I didn’t ask, it was not important.


She said that they had passed.

Yeah, the important thing is that I found her again. At this time, she was studying with her daughter on the other side of the ocean.


This is the first time that I will have lost my body. I was so happy that I couldn’t hold it at all, so I shared with my colleagues who had dinner at lunch.

A new unit among colleagues is a little puzzled. Have you really cared for so many years?


Yes, I care.

In those years, if I paid her more, more love, more tolerance and help, then we were scattered, and we might really have.

But she is different. In all of us, she was good to me together, and paid for me …

You can forget who you are doing well, but how can you forget people who are good to yourself!


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